The Love Conversation
is about experiencing a love so powerful, you know something extraordinary is happening.
The Heart of Our Work
Being human is inherently about connection and relationship. We all desire love, trust, and enduring intimacy with the person with whom we share our life.
We long to feel the wholeness — the at-home-ness — of such a bond with our beloved.
Some of us also sense the presence of something larger, something transcendent, within and through that most cherished relationship — and we yearn to experience more of it.
That kind of connection is what we refer to as extraordinary love — the fruition of our yearning (and our capacity) to share a love so beautiful we cannot find the words.
Several years ago, we were discussing this with a dear friend, a transpersonal psychologist, Dr. Ron Scolastico, and he described it beautifully:
All human beings whether they know it or not, desire that merging, that experience of the divine manifesting through a beloved one with whom they share their heart."
So our work is about helping those who resonate with that to not only experience that extraordinary dimension of love but to sustain and expand it over time.
Getting there is not without its challenges, and it needs to be both created and invited in. But for those who desire it, we know it's possible. And at this point, we even know some shortcuts!
The Love Conversation® Approach
It’s easy to think of a loving relationship as something we have, and to think of love as something we find. In some ways that’s true. But without a more refined understanding, we don’t get what we want—at least not for very long.
Reaching and sustaining an experience of extraordinary love asks two things of us:
— That we work within ourselves and together to reduce the obstacles that thwart our best intentions
And as it turns out, our capacity for the kind of relationship we desire is right under our noses—in our daily conversations. Not just the conversations between the two of you, but in an intertwining of three interdependent conversations:
— This is the constant internal conversation between you and you—often between you and your inner critic. It’s also the self-talk that judges and evaluates your experience. (Right now, it’s probably commenting on whether or not you resonate with what we’re saying!)
With each other
— This is the conversation that gets the most attention in relationship work. It’s obviously about how we communicate with each other but an important aspect of that interaction is often missing. What we say and don’t say and what we do and don’t do constitutes a creative act that either increases or decreases love, trust, joy, and the delicious feeling of togetherness.
With the divine
— This is the subtle yet distinct connection with that which is transcendent, with spirit, with a higher power, or whatever name you prefer for that loving presence of something larger. We think of this presence as divine, and see human love as the embodied expression of divine Love. But by whatever name, it can be accessed to elevate human love into something truly extraordinary.
However, there is a snake in the woodpile, so to speak, a hidden barrier to achieving the love we know is within reach. Fear. Not the fear of mortal danger, but a far more subtle impulse that allows us to contract, to opt for defensiveness and separation, which produces loneliness and puts up a barrier between us and the one we cherish—exactly opposite of what we desire.
When we fall in love we have awakened to something larger, fuller, and far more fulfilling. Our fear jolts us into knowing that we have a lot to lose. So, it’s up to us to carry the relationship further.
The Ways We Work
The genesis of The Love Conversation® Approach goes back more than 30 years when we, as newly-coupled lovers stumbled into an argument or misunderstanding that was so painful we simply had to immediately figure out how to heal the tiff and get back to love.
As you might expect, our personal approach matured over the years.
What we didn't expect was that Paige's doctoral research would lead us to formulate a dynamic new teachable set of insights and skills that resolves relationship and communication problems more quickly than we ever did!
Our work blends several disciplines:
- The new field of interpersonal neurobiology (especially about the neurobiology of human connection and fear),
- CMM, a cutting-edge social constructionist communication theory that sees communication as a creative act rather than simply about the transmission of information
- Plus several theories of human and adult development, including a developmental model of love relationships
This combination has, for 12+ years, proven many times over to help clients transform deeply painful and persistent challenges and overcome unwitting patterns that have been undermining their relationship.
Couples, Individuals, Small Groups
We work with clients (singles and couples) in private sessions or small groups, and we're often asked:
“What if it’s just me who’s willing to get help? Is there any hope?”
It's quite understandable for people to believe that they need to do their relationship work as a couple.
However, we’ve found that it's enormously effective to work with one partner — whoever's most motivated and ready. It turns out that it takes just one person to change the direction of a relationship.
More than that, if you really want to transform a challenging relationship into an enviable one, you must start by making your own changes first.
Recognizing this truth — and acting on it — is a major shortcut to finally resolving whatever it is that keeps causing the problem. The details and circumstances of each relationship are obviously unique, but the core work is the same.
For our part, we focus is on providing two things:
- Evidence-based, time-tested information — what we call "actionable insights"
- Specific skills that you can use to resolve the current problems that are driving you bonkers
But you get something more valuable than that.
In the process of making things better now, you're undoing the habitual patterns that keep backfiring on you and replacing them with ways of being together that will deepen your love, trust, and connection over time.
We meet with clients in our home office in Los Angeles and have great success working by phone and online.
Executives & Leadership Teams
About half of our clients are executives and business owners. They come from different sectors, but they share one or both of these desires:
- Increased effectiveness and happiness at work through better communication and relationships
- Increased personal fulfillment and greater meaning from their career
Either way, these clients are grappling with some form of midlife reset.
We've been doing this work since the release of the first edition of Executive in Passage, our first book together. This how-to memoir explores the confusing and often lonely journey of making these kinds of career and life changes.
Our newest book, Grabbing Lightning, addresses three interwoven themes, one of which is the making of a successful career that's aligned with your soul.
We meet with our business clients in our home office in Los Angeles or by phone.
One last thing. Next year, we expect to create a web-based course on The Love Conversation® approach. If you want to be notified be sure to sign up for fieldnotes or contact us directly.
Monthly emails with tips and insights for experiencing extraordinary love in your everyday life.